My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
