i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
