So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
