1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
