your thong is hanging out like whoa
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
should my penis look like a turkey
you inspire me to be a worse person
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
