I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
