I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
