I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
