what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
