I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
