i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
