dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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