He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
