you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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