If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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