I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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