I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
