I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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