Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
