LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
