sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
