Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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