She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
