you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
you never un-have a 4some
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
