She announced her abortion via fbk
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
