My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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