He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
