If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
