Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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