My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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