I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
