i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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