I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
