I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
