Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
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