Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
