I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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