Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you would pick up someone in the library
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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