I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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