what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
