I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
