I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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