Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
