I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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