I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
