so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
