508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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