I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
