Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
