Non-Jews are for practice
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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