this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
