I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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