my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
