Michael Bay diarrhea
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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