i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
