when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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