so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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