Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize