I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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