Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ladies don't puke and tell
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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