if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
