Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Randomize
