if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I need help removing her.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
