just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
