i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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