God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
