Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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