i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
