you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
