We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
