I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
