Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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