Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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