i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize