her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
