first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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